Apparently, our cat knows he is close to being coyote bait; I think the little bastard thinks that by dragging his hunting trophies into my front yard is going to provide me with some rose-colored glasses through which I will see him as a ferocious predator that needs to be treated like royalty. What he doesn’t realize, is that the next flea-infested gopher or mouse that shows up on my sidewalk is probably going to be his last meal. The last thing I need is for my kids to end up with the bubonic plague thanks to the damn barn cat.
Ticks. Mosquitos. Gnats. Are you itching yet? I am itchy just thinking about them. Luckily, our mosquitos are quite small (but no less vigorous) compared to Alaska’s so-called B-52’s, but our ticks make up for it. Have you ever seen a tick the size of a quarter? Count yourself lucky if not. Screw Dracula; Mother Nature has blessed us with her own blood-sucking vermin for real. Not only do they hurt like a bitch when you have to try to pluck one off your skin, but they also carry nasties like Lyme disease & Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Not exactly a romantic date.
And to round out the fun, lets talk snakes. Bullsnakes. Rattlesnakes. Garter snakes. Blue Racers. The list goes on and on- and those are just the ones that hang out in my neck of the woods. Considering we don’t have vipers, cobras, or Diamondbacks, I shouldn’t complain, but I will anyways. Yeah, I concede there are some good things these devil serpents do- eat other snakes, mice, gophers, blah, blah, blah… but I am still not above taking a shotgun to one that gets too close to me. Take that, all you legless, slithering, cold-blooded creeps! After multiple encounters both on foot and on horseback, and having one in my house, I will generally be seen pulling up my skirt and running the opposite direction at full tilt.
Don’t get me wrong. I prefer getting a minor sunburn when riding my horse compared to feeding my horse in a 40-below snow, wind, and ice storm. I love the long days that come with summer and the comfort of wearing a tank top and jean shorts without a parka. Just saying, be careful out there- keep your eyes open when running and jamming out to your music; don’t leave the house without sunblock and bug spray and take time to do a full body check while listening to Brad Paisley’s “Ticks”; and as for pain in the ass cat, well, I am sure my husband will be dealing with him shortly.
Until next time, may your bug repellant be strong and your aim true!