Being married to your high school sweetheart may seem cliche', but honestly, had Shane and I not started dating in high school, I would probably still be single. College guys are morons of epic proportions, so he obviously never had to worry about the long distance thing being an issue. While sometimes it feels like he is still in high school, my husband really is one of those one-of- a- kind men; the kind that loves his wife, loves his kids, and can get along with his in-laws in spite of all their weirdness. He is my best friend, my biggest source of encouragement, and provides much needed testosterone in a house full of estrogen. He is my manly man, my cowboy, and my crush.
I often feel sad when I talk to other women about their marriages; it seems to be a rarity for so many wives to speak highly of their husbands. I don't understand those kind of relationships. Trust me; Shane and I certainly don't have an inside guide on this whole marriage deal. There are days it really sucks, and when it would be so easy to give up and walk out. But I don't believe that marriage is just a piece of paper from the court house. Marriage is a career, a lifestyle, a choice. Any relationship is bound to have tough times; especially with kids and pets and in-laws and jobs and bills and vehicles and livestock and the list goes on and on. No one is perfect, and if you can't have a good laugh at your own expense, or learn to forgive your husband when he demolishes your toilet while you are making supper for your kids, maybe marriage isn't for you. In honor of my upcoming anniversary, I would just like to share a few things I {and probably we} have learned along the way.
~ You are going to get mad. At each other, at yourself, at situations of which you have no control. At your family and his family. As long as you don't resort to physical violence, or get into a screaming match with each other, time will heal the wounds.
~ Laugh. A lot. If you can't laugh in your marriage, what the hell are you married for? You are supposed to spend your life with the same person for eternity- better choose someone that keeps you smiling. Dutch ovens don't kill people; and trust me- your spouse will eventually get over that night you got so drunk and passed out before things got frisky in the bedroom. Laugh at each other, laugh at others, but most of all, laugh with each other. Ladies, if you think your husband is the most immature dork out there, you are in good company.
~ Make -up sex is a real good thing. Don't waste it.
~ When you have kids, your love for your spouse is going to change. It is going to deepen and there will be days you feel like your heart is going to explode. But be warned- it ain't all roses and butterflies, kiddos. Life changes when shitlits come along- be sure you want to share that roller coaster ride with each other long before you start picking out nursery colors and names. Don't forget to take time for each other.
~ There will be times when you will need to keep secrets from your spouse. Like how much you hate their haircut, or how ridiculous they look with a beard. Bite your tongue, and remind them (and yourself) how much you love them and why. Believe me- these kind of secrets are going to save you both a lot of hurt feelings. I ain't talking about big secrets like you won the lottery and don't want to share, or that you are going to surprise her with birthday weekend in the middle of BFE. I think you get my drift.
~ Don't lie. About anything; if she cooks something that looks like road tar and tastes like road kill, it is probably best to tactfully tell her thanks, but please don't ever make that again. Chances are she is secretly hoping you spit it out and offer to take her out to supper. And girls, if he tries to commit to no-shave November, don't go along with it just to appease him. I am pretty low key and low maintenance, but I draw the line at making out with a ZZ Tops look alike. This ain't Duck Dynasty, and he ain't a millionaire... here's the Schick, baby! If you like the beard, that's ok too... but don't bitch about it if you don't tell hh=im how you really feel.
I admire couples that have been together for forty or fifty years. That still seems like an entire lifetime to me; as we say in our house, "till death do us part" isn't just a promise, it is a threat. This whole marriage gig is tough work, but just like raising kids, it is rewarding and satisfying and makes me feel whole. I pray that God guides us on our journey together, and continues to bless us with grace and love for one another. Nine years is only the first few chapters in our story together; and I know I look forward to writing the pages of the book with the man I love.