But enough crying about how stressful Christmas is with a house full of your in-laws, a sick dog, and kids hopped up on green & red M&M’s and marshmallows. How great is it to ring in another New Year? A fresh start full of resolutions and goals to become a better you; followed by a large helping of disappointment and self-loathing after realizing the kale-shakes and salads can’t ward off the chocolate snacks and chicken fried steak cravings . Perhaps the insomnia that takes over your body when you lay your head on your pillow and instantly start singing “Let it Go, Let it Go” makes you want to run out in the middle of a snow bank buck-ass naked and die of pneumonia. I don’t bother making resolutions, because “resolutions are for quitters, and everyone hates a quitter”. Instead of making outrageous goals like losing 45 pounds by July 4th ( because lets be honest; I haven’t weighed that little since being in middle school. I am a full grown adult, not a starvation survivor!) I think it is much wiser to make a realistic goal and fulfill it, then start over. For example, some days the only thing that helps push my ass out of bed is making a goal not to rip someone’s head off and then trying to achieve it. Other days, the goals are a little more difficult, but still as fulfilling.
I hope the New Year finds you a little happier, a little wiser, and maybe a little bit skinnier (if you like that sort of thing). If you make a goal to try something new, like crocheting or maybe just being nice to others, may the forces of good juju be with you. Keep with it; all the research claims that 21 days is the target timeframe for anything to become a habit. It is always hard to try something new (including new mixed drinks; but sometimes sacrifices must be made!) But if you choose to bypass the goals and the resolutions and instead fill your time watching psychotic women fall over each other to win the affection of some hot bachelor, that’s ok too. I won’t judge. May your roads be smooth, your hair manageable (and colorful too!), and may gravity take mercy on you at least until your partner sags and droops as much as you do. Happy 2015!