Then, one day, the light bulb apparently went off in his head after our first daughter was born. All the pre-pregnancy bras I had no longer fit, and once I no longer needed nursing bras, it was obviously time to restock. Being the sweet, loving man that he is, he offered to buy me a new boulder holder from Victoria’s Secret; so who was I to turn it down? Little did I know, that this choice would ruin me from ever being able to wear a cheapo bra from Walmart ever again.
There has to be a conspiracy here; I don’t consider myself to be easily sidetracked by sequins and lace, but somehow these designers have figured out how to con me out of more than a few twenty dollar bills. I guess even tomboys and mommies like to wear pretty undies.
Needless to say, when I realized one day that the bra I had on had finally outworn its lifespan and that it needed to be replaced, and being over one-hundred miles from the nearest boobie- boutique, something drastic had to be done. I hopped into my car, drove half a mile to the local Kmart, and went shopping. Of course there were pretty colors and lace there too; although the patterns were much more juvenile and much cheaper. I picked out two of what I thought looked like cute, but comfortable, brassieres and checked out. I got back to work and directly changed out of the old, threadbare one with the twisted underwire and put on one of the new ones. With high hopes, I got it on, and as I swung my arms forward, was greeted with a delightful *creak, creak, creak* and a pinch along my spine. Seriously? Why can’t the size be the same across the board, no matter what brand of underwear you buy? Shame on me for not trying it on, I guess, but for crying in the rain; I never imagined that these store- brand unmentionables would fit so poorly. Too bad I was so quick to throw the other one in the garbage; this new one will surely replace its predecessor at the bottom of my underwear drawer.
The moral of this story, I guess, is that it is true that you get what you pay for. Don’t expect a cubic zirconia to shine like a real diamond, and don’t expect your store-brand bra to make you feel like a Victoria’s Secret model.
Best wishes to any of you looking to add to your undie drawer… I hope you can shell out a few extra dollars for some upgraded underthings!