- "...Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:13-16
1. Sitting in the back row sounds like a good idea, until you get to church and the back row is filled with a bunch of crabby old people. Or, there might be one person in the entire pew; but don't think you are going to sit there with your kids. Don't you know those seats are taken?
2. There is no where to change a dirty, poopy diaper. Except maybe the floor in the bathroom, which, by the way, is smaller than a jail cell. It is apparently not acceptable to pull baby's drawers off while she is laying on the pew and take care of business... unless you enjoy getting dirty looks and raised eyebrows from the church elders.
3. No matter how quiet your child thinks she is being, everyone in church is going to hear everything she says. You will find yourself trying to explain more of the facts of life to your curious toddler while "whispering" during the sermon than any other time; except maybe while in line at the supermarket. Don't worry, the "old guy behind you whose farts smell like rotten eggs" probably can't hear her, anyways. You hope.
4. It never fails that your kid will drop her binky/toy/ bottle/ whatever the hell you give her to pacify her at the time, and it will roll across the floor and stop exactly three rows ahead of you- regardless of how level the floor is. And then the kid will start crying. And you realize the only way out of this situation is to either perfect your ninja moves and crawl under the pews to get the pacifier, or wait until after the service to go get it. Good luck!
5. Forget about taking anything away from the sermon, mom. Don't worry, just ask dad when you get out to the car. He should be able to fill you in- after all, he probably wasn't the one trying to entertain your little angels during the most boring ninety minutes of their week. Perhaps you better invest in a Bible and study before next Sunday's test of your faith and endurance.
I just hope that someday I will be able to look back on this and laugh. Most of the other parents sitting in church with their children either have kids that are old enough to sit and be quiet, or are just biding their time until it is their little monster throwing a tantrum and yelling "WHY CAN'T WE LEAVE YET MOMMY??". You might just need to pray a little harder; but remember, God wants you and your little cherubs to go to church on Sunday, because it is important for kids to learn all about Him, and so He can teach you some patience. Just try not to make eye contact with any of the old people; chances are they did hear every damn thing your little darling said and is wondering just what the hell kind of parent you really are.
Until next Sunday my friends,