First off, I hate dressing up and wearing “girl clothes”. I do it because I don’t get to wear jeans and a ball cap to work anymore; and because apparently there are social standards women are supposed to uphold. Instead of looking completely lazy and like I truly don’t care, I force myself to do my hair and to buy pants that aren’t jeans. Heck, I only wear dresses for the pure fact that they are relatively cooler when the weather is hotter than Hades. Or for super rare, special occasions.
My house is a disaster. I have given up on even attempting to maintain a spotless home. My house is more than lived in; some might think it looks like a tornado hit it and I was just too shocked to deal with the aftermath. I guess hurricanes are named after people, so we’ll just say we got hit by hurricane Macy and winter storm Ainsley and call it a day.
I drop the “F-bomb” far too often. Happy, sad, angry, excited- that is one dirty word I should learn to stop saying so much, but I just f*&^ing like it too much. Probably a turn-off for most people, but truth be told, I just don’t give a fudge.
I don’t own nail files, I don’t get my hair done every other week. I taught myself to do my own makeup, so if it looks like I got in a fight with the Maybelline counter, I might have. I can’t paint my own fingernails, so I don’t wear polish. I have never had my boobs measured at Victoria’s Secret, and don’t intend to. I know enough not to pair black and brown, but everything else is fair game. You have fancy knee high boots? I have a pair of hooker boots too. I call a spade a spade, and if you don't like it, we probably can't be friends.
Laundry and dishes are dirty words at my house. If you can’t find it in the sink or in a laundry basket, we probably don’t own it. I admit that I love to cook, and bake; but I also eat raw cookie dough and like to drink beer while doing it. Oh, and I like beer. Which apparently isn’t lady-like at all? Seriously, who makes these rules? Probably some gal that drinks red wine once a year and has never gotten her hands dirty.
For those of you still in the running for Lady of the Century or some other well meaning award that you are never going to get, keep up the good work. I admire your commitment to your skincare regimen and diet and exercise plans. I will be thinking of you the next time I sneak some homemade dough, or drink another beer, or drop yet another F*word. I hope you can find it in your very lady hearts to pray for girls like me; we probably need all the help we can get. If you get bored, I promise you would have a hell of a time attacking my laundry baskets and rearranging my spice cabinets. Better bring some wine!!